What Is This Feeling?
by Lithium Delusions
Summary: Wicked run. A series of little vignettes exploring the thoughts of some of the characters.
1. Chapter 1: Part One

_Disclaimers: We do not own Pet Shop of Horrors. That honor belongs to Matsuri Akino-sama. We only like to take her characters out for little joyrides into the insanity that is our imaginations. All rights belong to her and the rights for the song belong to Decca Broadway and whoever else came up with it._

**What Is This Feeling?**

**Part 1**

What is this feeling?  
So sudden and new?

I felt the moment  
I laid eyes on you?

My pulse is rushing…  
My head is reeling…  
My face is flushing…  
What is this feeling?

Fervid as a flame  
Does it have a name?

Yes…  
Loathing  
Unadulterated loathing…

(From the 'Wicked' soundtrack, Decca Broadway Records)

_A/N-The first of a series of little vignettes that take you through the thoughts of each of the Characters minds. First up is the redoubtable Leon Orcot and his musings on … you guessed it, Count D._

_Rated for Leon's foul language. Yes, he does talk that way if you look back through the manga. (Whee! Leon has a bad case of potty mouth. D should wash his mouth out!)_

_Sighs Please excuse the Spaz that is my Beta reader. She just got out of the hospital and is heavily medicated.  
_

* * *

Sometimes he makes me so damned mad that I forget I'm a cop.

That damned smug little smile and the way he acts like he knows more than he's saying-more than he's willing to let on. It pisses me off so bad I just want to smack that fucking better-than-thou-art smirk off his disturbingly pretty face. And, oh, how I really want to shut him up once and for all when he goes all fucking high-and-mighty on me about how humans aren't fit to live.

Damned stupid smile. Damned know-it-all Count and his pet shop from hell. Goddamned freaking goat-thing that's determined to bite me every time I'm near him. Stupid thing loves Chris though. Plays with him constantly, and never lets him out of sight when they leave the pet shop. Like he's determined to guard Chris or something. Him and that raccoon are never far from Chris, ever.

At least the raccoon's nice. I think she likes me. Uses me like a tree whenever I'm around, climbing up onto my shoulder and chattering like a squirrel. Pon-chan, at least, I can tolerate. Better than that damned goat-tiger-sheep monster from hell. She doesn't leave scars on my ass, at least.

Frigging Count.

Smug bastard. I know what you're thinking. You think there's nothing I can pin on you and damned if you're not right all the damned time. But that's okay. One of these days you'll slip and I'll get the evidence I need. Just you watch. All it takes is just one little mistake, one tiny little thing I can prove, and you're gonna find yourself behind bars so damned fast your head'll spin. Oh, you can bet on that.

Stupid tea. Too damned sweet to drink and accompanied by enough sugary desserts to send a diabetic into sugar-shock just by looking at them. I know he's a vegetarian, but does he live off sugar?! I've never known a grown man who can eat that much sweet stuff and not be sicker than hell. But he just downs it like its freaking … manna or something. Whatever that stuff is that's the bread of life. Yeah, yeah, so I haven't been to church in a while.

I keep forgetting, okay?

At least he feeds Chris real food. I think I'd kill him if all he fed my brother were that same sweet crap he eats. And where the hell does he put it all, anyway? Skinny as a stick and looks like he'd break if you breathed on him, the bastard. He reminds me of some of those models, y'know, the ones that always look like they're dying of starvation? Except for the boobs. At least they have those.

He even looks like a damned woman, except for the lack of tits. I've heard him say that he gets mistaken for a woman every now and again, but I don't know how that's possible. Even if he crossdresses with the best of them, I always knew he was a man. And it's not just his voice. It's the way he acts, the way he carries himself or something. Damned if I know.

Damn him anyway. Why the hell can't I get enough on him to put him away? Jill - _what the hell does she know, anyway?_ - calls it obsession. I'm not _obsessed_! I'm not! Just a little… determined. He pisses me off. Stupid, smug bastard. He'll get what's coming to him sooner or later. And I'll be there when it happens.

I'll be there. God knows, I'm always over there. Hell, anymore, it's like I live at the damned pet shop. Oh, I go home to my apartment to sleep, but I spend more time there than I do anywhere else except at work. He's always inviting me to tea with that small little smile of his. The one that says, 'I know you. I know you won't turn me down.'

And I don't. I stay; breathing in that god-awful incense and sucking down cup after cup of his tea. I stay, and wind up involved in some weird stuff that I can't usually even imagine. My imagination's getting better all the time though. Hell, one time I thought I saw a bunch of funny-dressed people in his shop. Course, I was a helluva lot more then half-drunk at the time, but it was still weird as shit.

And god knows, that place is the fucking epitome of weird. There's something there that just draws people in, keeps them coming back time and again. Or at least the ones who don't end up dead under mysterious circumstances.

I can understand that, just a little. I feel the pull myself, just a tiny bit. It's like a… smell or something. Sometimes, when I'm really stressed, it kinda reminds me of mom. I smell that freaky incense and for some reason, I'm reminded of the way mom smelled. Clean laundry and homemade treats. Funny thing is, the incense doesn't smell like that, but sometimes it brings that to mind. It's weird.

Like D. Things don't get much weirder than him. Half the time I want to smack that frigging smirk off his face, but sometimes-just sometimes, he does something that surprises me. Like this one time…

I got off early and was on my way over to the pet shop to see Chris. I spotted the damned goat and knew wherever he was, Chris wasn't far away. I stopped to watch, staying out of sight. Don't know why, but my gut told me to stay put and I usually trust my gut feelings.

Chris was halfway up an old tree, cradling a little squirrel in one hand. It was just a tiny thing, a baby really, and must've fallen out of a knothole I saw a little above Chris's head. Chris was putting him back, like the really good kid he is. He managed to do that and was on his way down out of the tree when a branch broke and he started to fall. Before I could even move, D was there. He caught Chris before he hit the sidewalk and held him, soothing away the tears from the scare and carefully taking care of the scratches he'd gotten from the fall.

It surprised me a little, I guess, cause he looked like he really cared about Chris. Maybe _more_ than a little cause there was worry in his odd-colored eyes as he wiped blood off of Chris's face and carried him to the pet shop.

It's funny, y'know, cause I never thought he could give a damn about anything but his freaky pets. God knows, he acts like most people are lower on the evolutionary ladder than slime molds and lawyers. Show him a dead body and he has no concern whatsoever. It's like we humans don't even rate.

Stupid prick. I'll show you how we rate when I throw your skinny ass in jail. You think you're so fucking smart. One of these days I'll prove to you that I can be just as smart. You just watch. One of these days, you're going to be knocked on your ass and left speechless. That's a promise.

Someday, I'll make you admit that you don't know everything. I'll show you I can still surprise you, you bastard. It may take me a while, but I'll prove it to you.

I'll prove to you that I…

Fuck this shit. I need another beer. My brain hurts and damned sure thinking about D and his freaky pet shop isn't going to help.

Yeah. Beer and sleep. Sleep is good. If I'm asleep, I'm not thinking about him. D. Really, not gonna think about him anymore…

Damned smug bastard…


	2. Chapter 2: Part Two

**What Is This Feeling?  
Part 2**

Unadulterated loathing  
For your face…

Your voice…

Your clothing…

Lets just say - I loathe it all!  
Every little trait, however small  
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl  
With simple utter loathing  
There's a strange exhilaration  
In such total detestation…

(From the 'Wicked' soundtrack, Decca Broadway Records)

_A/N - The second part of our little series of vignettes featuring the players from the pet shop. We know you were expecting D, but Tetsu demanded to have his say. And when he has a mouthful of teeth like that, you don't really want to argue with him…_

_(Subu-chaaaannn! Get him away from me! I'm sick! I shouldn't be threatened by a figment of your overactive imagination! BAD TOTETSU!!!! Down, boy!)  
_

* * *

He'd taste good with a delicately flavored sauce, but one strong enough to disguise the taint of tobacco in his blood. Something gingery, I think. Possibly with a hint of red wine to complement the flavor of rich, red muscle meat. Yes, that would do quite nicely. Sigh. Now I've gone and made myself hungry again. 

I am roused from my thoughts on all the varied ways to prepare fillet of Orcot by the arrival of the annoyance himself. Loud and brash, as usual, carrying the smell of beer and cigarettes into the interior of the shop. And chocolate too.

I stifle a growl as I contemplate where best to bite him and make him drop the box of ridiculously expensive candies he's carrying. Damned human! Who does he think he is, coming into my territory? If anyone should kill him, it's me. He stole my way of life, the human shell I used to pass unnoticed among them, my perfect dessert, and now he's trying to steal his way into the Count's affections!

I snarl softly and flex my claws into the intricate brocade of the rug I am lying on. I am not old enough to remember the long ago when D's people were treated with reverence and gifted for showing the slightest favor to the fawning humans, but I remember the stories. My great grand-sire, the oldest living one of our dwindling race, remembered those days and told us cubs over and over during the cold winters. He is the one who taught me how to hide from humans, shortly before he died at the hands of a foolish human hunter.

I remember that all too well. It was my first taste of fresh kill brought down by my own claws. The hunter tasted like the detective's blood does, full of life and vigor, tainted only slightly by the toxins humans persist in sullying their bodies with. I remember the face of the hunter, all wide eyes and terror as I sprang at him. Sometimes I like to imagine that look on the detective's face. Right before I imaging him going down in a spray of blood beneath my claws.

It is a satisfying fantasy, even if it is never one I will act on. D would have my hide if I harmed the detective more than the little 'love bites' I already gift him with. Growling, I eye the seat of the couch above me as his weight settles down on it. His leg is in perfect range for one of those 'love bites,' but I retrain myself as he mutters something about yet another mysterious death linked to one of the shop's patrons.

I have to snort as he relays the details of her death. Oh, I remember that one, alright. Arrogant, overbearing pillow of a woman; far too full of herself and sure that D had nothing worthy of her magnificence. Even I laughed as her jaw snapped shut as she took her first look at the pet D picked out for her. Kalil is just like her. Venom wrapped in pretty packaging, as lethal as he is charming and innocent-looking.

D claims to know nothing of how the woman came into possession of an exotic and deadly cocktail of designer drugs from overseas. And he's not lying. He does not know how Kalil gave the foolish woman her pretty poison. D only provided the means for her.

Kalil was the method and D will never admit to that. I was the one who let Kalil in last night, flush with the wasted energies of the woman who had broken her contract.

The detective might be smart enough to link these deaths back to the pet shop, but he's nowhere near clever enough to see the truth or to come up with the evidence he needs. As D has complained more that once, Leon Orcot is willfully blind to what does fit in his little worldview.

I could hate him for that blindness. I could hate him for so much.

I should have killed him when we first met, when I wore the mask of Mr. Wong, but I was blind too. I failed to see what was right in front of my eyes.

I can still pretend myself blind, but the evidence is there. There in the lingering scent of cigarettes in the room, a scent even D's incense cannot hide. There in the rich smell of fine, expensive candies and the smile D wears, one that creeps further over into genuine the longer the detective remains.

I could hate him for all that. But I don't…

"Ow!! Dammit, D! Can you just once keep the damned freaky goat from biting me? I've got more scars from him than from my line of work!!"

I _loathe_ him.

_Reviews Welcome! _

_A/N - We're taking suggestions for future chapters on "What is This Feeling?" There are at least four more chapters in the planning, but if there's a favorite pet or character you want to see, please feel free to send a message. We'll entertain as many as we can... _


	3. Chapter 3: Part Three

**What Is This Feeling?  
Part Three**

_Dedicated to Teya Yashitoda. _

_A/N- This chapter is for Teya Yashitoda, here's the Chris you wanted. He's a little more observant than they give him credit for. And if anyone knows about things left unsaid, it's the Chris-man. Thanks for the suggestion. Any more? The floor is still open, people. And to the Yamipenguin for the props on LJ. D and Vesca will both get their shots. _

_So if there is someone you would like to have a chapter, just say so._

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"_It's not in the stuff said, kid, but in the things left unsaid."_

Ten-chan told me that once. I didn't understand him then, but now I think I'm getting it. Cause, honestly, I'm really good with _'unsaid'_ things.

At first, I thought they hated each other. Cause when my brother dropped me off there for the first time, all they did was argue and yell. A lot.

They still do that. Yell, I mean. I think my big brother is the only one who can make the count lose his temper. It'll start with Leon saying something to annoy D, like how the tea is too sweet, and end with the count throwing things and calling my brother a whole bunch of words that all mean 'stupid.' I asked T-chan what the word meant once and he started laughing so hard he could barely breathe. Pon-chan had to whack him on the back and then he stared chasing her around the room and threatening to eat her, so I never got an answer.

Ten-chan helped me and Pon-chan sneak into the count's library that night and we looked up all the ones we could remember. Ten helped because he remembered a lot more than we did. I never would have remembered 'ignoramus' much less how to spell it.

But it's the things they do and not say that make me think that maybe they don't really hate each other.

D makes sure that there's tea and cakes ready - no matter what time of the day (or night) Leon comes in. He also lets Leon stay a lot longer than I've ever seen him let anybody else.

Leon buys all sorts of yummy sweets to have with the tea. And he really doesn't like lots of sweets. But he does it anyway. One time we were walking back to the pet shop after Leon took me to the beach (he doesn't know that there's one in the pet shop.) and he just sorts stopped in front of a bakery window. I had to hand and ask him what he was thinking about.

He shook his head and smiled. "Nothing, kiddo. Want to stop in and buy the count something nice so he doesn't get mad about all the sand we're gonna track in?" He let me pick out a strawberry cheesecake to take back.

Maybe they really didn't like each other at first. Cause when he left me here, Leon told me I was his spy. But he never asks about what I've seen. But the way thing were when I first came to LA, I thought for sure Leon was gonna put the count in jail. After all, he said so all the time.

But things have changed. Not a lot. But enough…

Leon still comes over and the count still serves him, no matter what time it is. And they still argue and yell at each other all the time. But like Ten-chan says, it's the things they don't say that are important. Leon doesn't say that he's going to arrest the count all the time. He doesn't stop coming and he hasn't stopped bringing D expensive treats. He watches D intently whenever they're talking quietly, which is a whole lot more often now.

D still calls him names but not in the angry way he used to. He used to say things like "Just what I would expect a foolish, ignorant human!" But now he says things like "You remain foolish and ignorant, detective." And he smiles when he says it.

Ten-chan won't tell me why but he looked at the count all weird-like when he first did that and Pon-chan told me Ten-chan told her it was "a significant change." I don't know what he meant, but I knew better that to say anything.

And Tetsu says nothing and bites Leon every chance he gets.


	4. Chapter 4: Part Four

**What Is this Feeling?  
Part Four**

_Here's the next chapter, from Jill's POV this time. Hope you enjoy..._**  
**

* * *

I'm not jealous. I'm not.

I don't see him that way. Leon's like my brother. My annoying, pig-headed, and with way-too-short-of-a-fuse brother and that would be… eew!

I always said he needed someone to look after him. And neither of them will ever admit it, but he found someone all on his own. Someone who will offer him an ear when he needs it, a stern talking to when that's what's required, or companionship over a cup of tea in the middle of the night if that's the right thing to do. That's not me. If you show up at my door after eleven p.m., you'll still be standing there come eight o'clock.

Okay… I admit it. I'm a little jealous. But not that way. I'm jealous that he's got someone he can go to and all I've got is my empty apartment. No, not even the cliche cat.

I thought about getting a pet, even went so far as to ask the Count what kind of pet he would recommend. He looked at me measuringly with those haunting eyes and shook his head. "There is not a pet for you in my shop, Miss Jill. I cannot help you."

I got kind of a creepy feeling when he said that. I didn't ask again. And I won't.

And I'm certainly not - okay, scratch that - I _am_ jealous that D looks prettier than I do. Next to him, I feel like the ugly duckling. He's the swan that I could never hope to be…

I'll also admit to lusting after…

-- Those silks he wears. What woman in her right mind wouldn't? Fine silks embroidered by hand in fanciful, delicate designs never ever dreamed of by the fashion mafia in Paris. And I couldn't even afford one of them. I know - I looked at the kind of silk he wears, once in Chinatown's shops. And a yard of it costs more than my whole paycheck. And that's before the embroidery and being made into an outfit!

I'm not jealous of the family dynamic Leon, D and Chris share. For god's sake, the other day I went with them to the park and a stranger said that Leon's son looked just like him. And he had such a pretty wife too. And let me tell you, it wasn't me she was looking at when she said that. I'm just glad Leon didn't hear her say that. He would have blown his top! Okay, so I'm lying through my teeth when I say that, you know that, right? I'm so frigging jealous I could scream.

Not that way, dammit! I told you, I don't think of Leon that way! And the Count's pretty, but a little too femme for my tastes. I'm jealous that they have what I don't. I'm jealous that Leon's found someone who puts up with all his idiosyncrasies and still doesn't mind him coming around or dumping his little brother in his lap. I'm jealous that I'm still alone.

I'm jealous that the only one who listens to me is a mangy alleycat. Yeah, so I'm pathetic. Stop staring at me, fuzzbutt, if you want this can of cat food.

You're just here for the handout. I know that. You don't even pretend it's cupboard love.

I'm not jealous. I'm not. Maybe if I say it enough, I'll believe it.


End file.
